In a society loaded with expectations there’s no wonder we beat ourselves up over pretty much everything – and, in this age of ‘you must learn to love yourself’ we then beat ourselves up for beating ourselves up, dammit!
There was a time I would have won the heavyweight championship for this ridiculously depressing sport, despite being skinnier than a bargain basement latte and being just 5 feet one and a bit. But ‘No more’ I say!
No more feeling guilt over:
Cutting off ties with toxic people who bring nothing to your life, tell all your secrets, talk about you behind your back and take every ounce of patience you can muster – toxic people spread poison, don’t let them feed it to you whilst you just mumble ‘Yum, yum’.
Being compassionate and realising that for people to be toxic normally means they’ve been through some trauma is one thing but it’s not your job to be their punchbag.
Something you said yesterday, or even months ago that upset someone – chances are you said sorry and they have long since forgotten about it whilst you’re still stressing out and stewing over it and feeling like a vile human being at three in the morning.
If you didn’t apologise and think you should have then bite the bullet and do it now!
Forgetting to call your mother when you said you would – she’s your mother and, Mother Nature permitting, she’s naturally programmed to forgive you pretty much anything. Well, apart from when you leave home and she has to readjust her life around the boundaries of ‘What the feck do I do with my time now’ whilst wondering what she did to make you leave.
The never-ending and ridiculous guilt of parenthood but, nevertheless, her guilt not yours. I’m a mum and, regardless of all my good intentions of being kind to myself, I fear I will never shake that one!
Not saying yes every time you’re asked to do something or be somewhere – the self respect you demonstrate when you say no will eventually develop into respect for your precious time from others.
Having a lie in from time to time – you gotta recharge those batteries every now and again and there’s nothing better than doing it just because you can!
Voicing your opinion on something you feel strongly about – you are unique, you are special and you are 100% entitled to be true to who you are and what you believe in.
Shout your unique voice from the rooftops and tell the neighbours to pipe down if they complain!
Spending money on something you don’t need but you just fancied it – it’s your money and, besides, if you’ve lost the receipt and can’t even take a ‘guilt trip’ back to the shop to return it, what’s the point stressing about it. Just damn well enjoy it and pat yourself on the back, you reckless being you!
Taking time out for yourself and things that are important to you – if some people call you selfish then that is more a reflection of their negative traits than it will ever be of yours, stand up for yourself and tell them to take a hike!
Not living up (or down) to your friends’ lifestyles or your family’s expectations. This is your life, your story and it’s your friggin choice how you run it.
It’s all very well your mates telling you that ‘you should be doing this’ but, if it’s not the right choice or time for you, they’re not the ones who have to live with the consequences.
Who set the timeline for your life anyway? No one – it’s yours to do with as you will. Don’t be so busy trying to live up to society’s misguided and often ‘one size fits all’ expectations of you that you forget to make your own.
Crossing people off your friends list who you constantly run after and look after but who only ever get in touch with you when they want something from you like money, baby sitting or reassurance that they’re not the worst ‘friend’ ever which, to be frank, when it comes to you, they are.
Not tipping (or even paying) a hairdresser when you look in the mirror and see a complete shambles on your head.
The list goes on but, in short, lighten up on yourself a bit (or a lot!) – you’re one person and a bloody wonderful one at that.
We too often give too much of ourselves and our time to others and, whilst this might be considered a very noble thing to do it ultimately has a shocking effect on our well-being which then has a habit of adversely affecting those we love the most.
If we constantly over-expect of ourselves without putting up the ‘closed’ sign occasionally and taking ‘us’ time we will eventually bleed out.
Of course I want to be there for my friends and love the people who love me and spend more time with my family and do favours for people when they ask and so on and so on and so on….
… but one little saying jumped out at me some time ago, shoved its hand right in my face and said ‘JUST BLOODY STOP IT’ and that huge snippet of wisdom was just this
So while it’s important not to lose sight of those who are important to us and to whom we are important we can only give so much before we need to top up our own resources.
Which is why, as contrary as it sounds, to be able put others first we need to make ourselves a priority.
We’re not much cop for anyone if we’re drained, knackered, resentful and constantly spreading ourselves thinner than a petrol station sandwich filling. Besides, you are every bit as important as the next person and the sooner you believe that, the sooner other people will treat you that way!
You really are worth it so crack on, ditch the guilt and look after your fabulous self!
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Exactly what I needed to read all your wise words are so TRUE
So glad you enjoyed it Yvonne. Wishing you a fabulous guilt free day, every day! 🙂